Today, my Mum Liz visited Durham Castle for the first time. It is our house, Jane’s and mine. Jane’s presence is all over it. Photos of Jane are here. Jane’s absence is screaming from every surface.
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Author: Dan Randow
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Hearts and Houses
It was the day of the premier of the Return of the King in Wellington (Dec 1 ’03, I think, the day before Jane’s 43rd birthday). Town was packed. It was hot. Jane and I had a picnic at Breaker Bay. We sat in the sand and sun, contemplating our relationship. Jane said “I don’t […]
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Somehow Carrying On
I don’t know how to do this any more. I can go some days, filling my life up with people, stuff. Plenty of it is pretty good. Hey hey, I think. Not “I’m over it”, just “I don’t have to feel it”. Even moments of feeling it and I think I’m so cool. Yeah, grieving. […]
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Report on Zosi
Jane, I thought I’d let you know how Zosi is getting on. Actually, he’s sitting partly on me just now. We have reached an arrangement where he fits under my arm so that I can type on the laptop, sitting on the sofa. I don’t know what you would have thought about all this latop-tapping, […]
One night sitting around talking about movies, I dared to say to Jane: “You never want to see anything I want to see. We always end up getting Merchant and Ivory”. I know that’s what I said because Jane immediately wrote it down. Then, referring to her records, she calmly compiled this list of the […]
Old Rex reminded me of a poem that I wrote. Jane and I had arranged to meet for coffee to celebrate International Poetry Day (I think it was March 21). Somehow Jane persuaded me that I had to compose a poem in time for our meeting. So I scratched something onto an office slip before […]
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How to Hug
Hugging is a conversation, a dance. When you hug someone, you are relating with them. Notice how they are as your bodies touch. Let the ‘themness’ of them affect you. Move towards them gently. Keep your knees slightly bent so that you can hug without pulling the other person towards you. Shoulders are the first […]
In “hints for funerals” from my experience of being pretty near to the centre of one … There is nothing you can do or say that can make it any better or worse. That’s a good thing to remember. Just showing up sends the message, or sending a card or flowers or phoning. You can’t […]
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A Farewell
A poem by ARD (Rex) Fairburn shared with me by Walter: A FAREWELL What is there left to be said? There is nothing we can say, nothing at all to be done to undo the time of day; no words to make the sun roll east, or raise the dead. I loved you as I […]
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Still in the Relationship
Jane, it’s been eight weeks since you died. Here I am addressing you as if you hadn’t at all. I’m sorry if you find this a little weird (I know you won’t) but I don’t know what else to do. You see, I am still in this relationship with you, even though for practical purposes, […]